Your environment is everything - but are you noticing it?

How the people around you shape your mindset, habits, and success

It’s funny how inspiration can strike at the most random moments. This morning, Carlo shared a quote he heard from Mika because he thought it was a “goodie”: “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” I told him I’d heard a variation: “You are only as good as the five people you surround yourself with" and that, indeed, it is a goodie.

So when Carlo proceeded to tell me that he wasn’t feeling inspired today, I jumped in and said, “No problem, I’ll take the reins. I have an idea!” Because, truthfully, this topic has been on my mind a lot. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that the books I’ve read, conversations I’ve had, and even my own experiences prove just how powerful our environment is in influencing who we become and the life we create for ourselves. Shaping us in ways we don't often notice.

Just this week, I saw my boyfriend struggling with working from home. For all its perks and freedoms, sometimes there’s something to be said for getting dressed, commuting, and physically stepping into an office to help your brain shift into “work mode.” I still remember reading stories during COVID about how some women found that simply putting on a bra helped them focus for the day, while others were thrilled to finally work in pajamas. It’s interesting how people respond so differently to the same situation—because, ultimately, what works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for another. But what is undeniable is that your environment plays a massive role in how you feel and function.

This then reminded me of a fascinating story I read about in Atomic Habits by James Clear. During the Vietnam War, many American soldiers became addicted to cocaine because 1) it was readily available and 2) everyone was using it. Logically, you’d assume that addiction would follow them home. But surprisingly, when many of these soldiers returned to the U.S., they were able to quit without major intervention. Why? Because their environment had completely changed—no more easy access, no peer influence, no normalization of the habit.

That’s why, so often, when people reoffend or struggle to break a destructive cycle, it’s because they end up back in the same environment, surrounded by the same people who enabled those behaviors in the first place. It’s a stark reminder that our surroundings—whether physical or social—often hold more power over our choices than we realize.

It’s also why change can feel so difficult. I’ve been reading The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, and one of her key messages is that you can’t change people—but you can inspire them. If you want someone to adopt a better habit, you don’t convince them with words; you mirror that behavior. (side note: one of the things I learnt about stakeholder engagement is that you will mirror the behaviour of the person you are talking to, without even noticing. Because mirroring = greater chance of being liked). An example Mel provides is: say you always eat lunch at your desk to keep working, but you see a colleague step out for a walk every day, coming back looking refreshed and ready to tackle the afternoon. Over time, you start thinking, Maybe I should try that, too. We naturally gravitate toward behaviors that seem to have a positive impact on others. When we see someone thriving—whether it’s because they’ve moved to a new country, started a business, or created a better work-life balance—it sparks something in us. It makes us question, Could I do that, too? But that initial spark isn’t always enough. The hardest part is often taking that all-too-consuming-overwhelming first step—breaking out of the comfort of the familiar and choosing to create something different for yourself.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot in relation to my own life lately. When you're stuck in a dreary, grey, wet, dark winter (so happy it's nearly spring!), it can be hard to find motivation for anything, let alone making big life changes. For some—like Carlo and Mil—after one too many Dutch winters, they reached their breaking point and made the move to Spain. For others, like me, it’s tempting to just curl up on the couch and press pause on life until the sun comes back out. It’s in these moments that our environment plays an even bigger role—because when everything around you feels stagnant, so do you.

This then got me thinking about the time a former colleague, who was working part-time while recovering from burnout. They were frustrated that their recovery was slow, that they weren’t “getting better” fast enough. I asked them, “What if it’s not you? What if it’s the environment you’re in that’s stopping you from healing?” The idea of looking for a new job seemed overwhelming at first, but after considering how much their workplace was affecting them, they took that small step (okay, perhaps leap in this case). And guess what? They started improving almost immediately. It wasn’t them that was the problem—it was the energy, the expectations, the pressure of their surroundings that was holding them back from recovering 100%. And, aren't they lucky, they had me in their inner circle? ;)

Back in university, I remember reading about how workplace dress codes often develop subconsciously. Even in companies without a strict policy, employees tend to start dressing alike over time. Why? Because humans are social creatures. We instinctively want to belong, to fit in. And if dressing a certain way makes us feel more included, we adapt. I think the same logic can be applied to our inner circle—we start to mirror the habits, attitudes, and ambitions of the people we spend the most time with. But it's not just people who can influence us but also online influencers, "machines". The constant stream of social media, instant gratification, and comparison has created an overwhelming sense of pressure, fueling insecurity and unrealistic expectations. Instagram was even found to be toxic for teenage girls. So when you consider that so many children and young adults spend upwards of 10 hours a day consuming this kind of content, is it any surprise that the younger generations are facing record levels of anxiety?

It’s all interconnected. The places we live. The people we surround ourselves with. The digital spaces we interact with. Our environment is shaping us every single day—often without us even noticing.

And that brings me to another quote I love:

💡 "What is it you want to do with this one wild and precious life?"

It’s so easy to get caught up in the routine, in what’s expected of us, in the things that feel safe. But life isn’t a dress rehearsal. We get one shot at this. And while that thought can be overwhelming, it can also be liberating—because it means we get to decide.

And if you surround yourself with the right people—the ones who lift you up, challenge you, and inspire you—I think you’ll find that the life you want is closer than you think. Maybe even just one small step away.

Sending you positive vibes,

Steph

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Key takeways:

• Your environment shapes you. The people, places, and habits around you influence your mindset and choices more than you realize.

• Change your surroundings, change your life. Small shifts—whether in location, social circles, or routines—can create big transformations.

• Start small. The hardest part is taking the first step, but even tiny changes can build momentum toward the life you want.

To continue your journey and start making meaningful changes, here’s a life hack and a book recommendation to help you take the first step:

Life Inspiration (Book recommendation): One Small Step Can Change Your Life, here

Life Hack (exercise): number 07, here